A Hidden Feeling Of Mine

Wat kind of feeling do i have???? There're just fake or wat? I was so doubtful bout them . Can't figure it out. I donno wat happen to me to have all those terrible feelings in my heart . It just happens this few days. It's like my feelings aren't control by myself. That wasn't great indeed but how could i express it? Till the day when i forget bout myself or the day when i doesn't even have any feelings?? I was confused. Besides than feelings , i could feel the coldness deep in my heart and i couldn't really comfirm wat kind of feelings is tht . Tht really makes me feels bad. I can just daydreaming with a blank mind. Wat is happening to me?? There's just something which i couldn't tell and it's a secret between me and myself. Even my bestfren won't know anything bout me. I can say tht i am different from my outlook or i just have different characters in myself. Am i silly ?? Sometimes i could be controlled by my dreams . I hope my dreams won't be my master . Sometimes i think tht my soul and my flesh had separated. My soul doesn't belongs to me . I donno wat am i doing now. My hapinness is some sort of short and it may be something which is fake... I feel lonely but not lonely without frens. It's a kind of feelings which maybe u couldn't understand. My mind is blur .. truly blur.
However thr's something which i can only keep in my heart and no one can get to know wat is tht. I wanted to tell but it's just complicated and i'm not brave enough or confidence enough to tell . Maybe it's the matter of trust. Maybe the bestfren isn't your bestfren which are supposed to be . I'm getting away and away from everyone i think. I wanna be myself , have my own choices , make my own decision but it's just hard. Something will pull me away from doing tht.Something is controlling me. I feel like a stranger walking apart . I was shattered with this kind of living . I wonder whether ppl knows me or understand me much ? Sometimes the true fren test in Friendster is just a kind of game . It can't judge whether u truly understands a person or not. Tht's just wat i think and i donno whether how everyones think about it. Sometimes i am just not myself . When i am sad , i just can't have my face lined and full of woe . I should controll myself . U would be incredibly vague but tht doesn't really mind. I cares about myself don't i ? But time travels really fast and i couldn't figure out wat is bothering me ... Maybe till one day i would realise it .

I broke it at a blow , i laid it cold , Crushed in my deep heart where it used lived . My heart dies inch by inch ; the time grows old , Grows old in which i grieve .